Gratitude Over Shame

Overcoming the ego to turn feelings of shame into overwhelming gratitude

This past weekend we had a nasty rainstorm that took out a huge tree in our yard. When I first noticed it I was amazed at the power of nature. Seeing this huge tree up close and stretched across our front yard was oddly beautiful. It looked so powerful, much different than seeing it upright just another tree standing amongst the others.

But, as new homeowners our first tree removal project was right before us. Having never done anything like this before, we took out our chainsaw and started cutting off the limbs getting to the branches splayed across the street. About an hour into it, sweating in 45 degree weather, I thought we were making good progress but it didn't look like much. Then I started thinking, really what do we do with this huge tree?!

Shortly after, our next door neighbor came over with his chainsaw and started cutting away at the tree. Then another neighbor came down with his wood chipper. Then another, and another kept making their way down to help remove the tree out of the street.

My first reaction..

What, these people think were helpless? Young kids that can't take care of our own yard?

I was feeling shameful. Maybe they're right. And it must have been pretty obvious we were in over our heads. We clearly didn't have the right tools for the job, I wasn't strong enough to lift up some of the branches, but this is my house, my tree, my problem. Guilt and shame washed over me like a tidal wave.

Maybe I was just exhausted from moving logs around, but I couldn't resist the help. We really needed it. The shame and guilt still resided in my body but feelings of gratitude started to emerge.

I am so grateful for their help. Their willingness to take three hours out of their Monday evening, the first day back to reality from a long holiday break, to help us. I am so grateful for this new community we are apart of. Grateful that this tree brought us all together and brought out light in all of us working together. Grateful for their expertise since we really didn't have a clue what we were doing. Grateful we didn't have to do all this ourselves. Grateful it didn't hit our electric box, it could have been so much worse. But mostly grateful for our neighbors kindness and compassion. We're all here to help and support one another. If any of my neighbors need help, you bet your butt I'll be there.

In the dark and three hours later, the tree was out of the street. And it wasn't as bad as it sounds because I decided to lean into gratitude. Focusing on how grateful I was for my friendly, supportive, neighbors made the process so much more enjoyable... at least for me anyways. It was quality bonding time, getting to know my new neighbors. But I'd like to think they enjoyed playing with their powertools, spending time with one another, and giving back to their community as well.

I could have stayed with the guilt and shame but leaning into gratitude transformed this disaster into a much more positive, joyful, experience that will stay with me forever.

Choose to lean into to gratitude instead of shame.

This is the real me.

Yours truly,

Jessica Riggin